A Life Stirred

Captive Thoughts

on October 24, 2013

Some weeks are just harder than others.  But, thank the Lord, even the hard weeks don’t last forever.  Can I get an amen?

Here at the Morse household we are coming off one of those hard weeks, and I couldn’t be more excited that we’re through it.  It involved some ridiculous work hours for Ben, a stomach bug for Joanna, and a HUGE struggle with fear for me.  (Claire seemed to have a pretty good week…must be nice to be 3 months old.)

This struggle with fear hit me hard.  Like panic-attack-y sort of hard.  Like I-need-the-Lord NOW sort of hard.

So Joanna had a stomach bug.  Just your average sort of stomach bug (well, not-so-average…it resulted in her throwing up 4/7 nights…ew).  And fear just decided to camp out in my heart and mind.  It was ugly.   Thoughts would leap into my head:  What if I get sick?  What if Ben gets sick?  What if Claire gets sick?  What if she’s sick again tonight?  What if she eats dinner and then I have to see it again? What if?  What if?  What if?  And these thoughts would just take over!  I could feel myself spiraling downward into the depths of useless thinking, and my heart would start pounding, and I was a mess.

And I knew, on some level, that all these thoughts were pretty useless.  I could logically tell myself that we would deal with whatever happened, but that didn’t seem to resolve my struggle.

So, I turned to the Lord.  I turned to His word and His truths.  I needed His truth to battle the lies that were raging in my head.  As per Beth Moore’s suggestion in “Breaking Free”, I wrote down relevant scriptures on note cards and just walked around reading them anytime I felt the lies trying to grab ahold of my mind.  I may have fallen asleep a night or two with the cards in my hands.  I just needed a tangible reminder of God’s truth, of His love for me.

My very sweet husband wrote this on our bathroom mirror for me.  I love this translation of this verse.  Tell God what you need AND thank Him for all He's done.

My very sweet husband wrote this on our bathroom mirror for me. I love this translation of this verse. Tell God what you need AND thank Him for all He’s done.

And it wasn’t an instantaneous solution.  I continued to struggle, but I was diligent to take every thought captive to obey Christ (2 Corinthians 10:5).  Honestly, I’m not sure if I’m truly over it yet or not.  I’m not sure if the struggle has faded because Joanna is feeling better (4 nights barf free!!) or if I’ve truly gained ground on this struggle.  Only time will tell, but I know that next time this fear pops up, I will be quick to turn to the Lord.  It is only through His strength that I can have victory over this!

So, in a way, I’m thankful for the rough week.  It pulled me to the Lord in a way that a good, easy week doesn’t.  However, I’m not going to lie.  I’m really really really glad it’s over.  And there’s nothing like a hard week to make you oh-so-thankful for the healthy, normal-work-schedules, good weeks.

Aaaah.  Healthy kids.  So thankful.

Aaaah. Healthy kids. So thankful.

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