A Life Stirred

A New Phone and an Ugly Heart

on August 26, 2014

Ben and I just updated our phones.  For the first time in nearly four years.  FOUR YEARS!  That’s like 28 years in technology-years, right?

It was very much overdue.  My phone was taped together, and I was texting at a snail’s pace.

Anyway, Ben got a smart phone, which is not making him feel smarter.  (Case in point: at one point last night, when trying to set his alarm for the morning, he changed the time on his phone, and we couldn’t figure out how to fix it.  Smart phones do not make one feel smart, apparently.)

And I got a…not smart phone.  It’s nicer than my old phone, and it’s not held together with tape.

But do you want to know what’s happening in my heart?

Jealousy.  Envy.  Coveting.  Discontentment.  Ingratitude.

Basically, lots and lots of sin.

It’s so ugly.  In fact, part of me doesn’t even want to write about it.  Because I end up sounding like a spoiled, entitled little brat.  Which I guess I am right now.  Ugh!

However, I am called to walk in the Light and shed light on the darkness.  Even the darkness in my own heart.

There is an undeniable pull towards new things—especially new technology and the “in” items.  I can’t deny that I want an iPhone.  It seems like everyone has an iPhone.  Why can’t I have one?  (And yes, that was totally written with a whiney voice.)

But when I succumb to that line of thinking, I completely discount all of the good gifts I have around me—technology and otherwise.  Within my line of sight right now, I see 2 laptops, a TV, DVD player, a Wii, a tablet, and a new phone.  And that’s just the technology I see.

Then on top of that, there are the more intangible gifts that are even more meaningful than stuff—a house to call our own, plenty of healthy food, clean and ample water, two beautiful and healthy (what a gift that is!) little girls, a husband who works so hard to provide for us, a Father in Heaven who loves me enough to send His son and who cares enough to reveal sin in my heart so that I might be transformed!

And I have the nerve to want something I don’t have.  It kind of makes me want to barf.  When put into perspective, my selfishness is completely ridiculous!

I suspect I’m not the only one who struggles with this.  It may not be an iPhone for you (because you probably already have an iPhone like everyone else…I kid, I kid), but ingratitude can sneak into our hearts in a million different ways.

So let’s be real…what do you find yourself wishing you had?   Do you struggle to be thankful for what you do have?  Or is this an area you don’t struggle in?  (And ohmyword, if you don’t struggle with this, please share!)

By recognizing my sin, repenting of it, and putting truth onto the lies I’m tempted to believe, I will gain freedom from the ugliness in my heart.  The Lord is faithful to transform my mind, and I will be able to be thankful for all the blessings I do have, instead of seeing what I don’t have.

Two of my favorite blessings.

Two of my favorite blessings.



2 responses to “A New Phone and an Ugly Heart

  1. Renee says:

    Wow, great post and I applaud you for being so honest and real! It is much easier spotting others sin than our own. But there is greater joy when we’re able to recognize God’s truth and not the worldly norm. I don’t seem to struggle in wishing for more and better technology but I do recognize my feelings of not being completely grateful for all that I have. I feel so impatient at times over my spiritual growth, relationships in family and friends and just the day to day struggles. But praise God for His mercy and grace!

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