Embracing a New Hobby

Last week, I decided I was going to make a quilt.  Scratch that.  I decided I was going to make two quilts.

Never mind that I have zero quilt-making experience.  And never mind that I have next-to-zero sewing experience.  Those are just details.  Minor details.

Oh, and never mind that this stage of life is probably not the ideal time to be picking up new hobbies.  Details, right?

So, there’s no going back now.  I own a sewing machine.

Would it be weird to give this beauty a name? I feel like we’re going to be friends.

I made bunting.  Because why not?

t’s not the best picture, I know. Trust me. It’s cute. And perfectly sewed…mostly.

Next up, I’m going to make a baby doll quilt.  Because if I’m gonna make a real-life size quilt (or two), I should probably try a little version first.

I agonized over fabric. And then eventually just said, “It’s for a doll! She won’t care.”

But here’s what I’m finding tricky in all this.  (And no, it’s not the actual quilting part.  Though I’m sure it will be.)

There’s a part of my brain that tells me I have to be the best at something in order to count it as a hobby.  It’s yet another way my competition and comparison issues rear their ugly heads.

So, I hesitate to even talk about this new hobby of mine.  Because I’m not the best.  I’m not experienced.  Surely my excitement isn’t real or worth sharing.

Yet, that’s not true.  Well, it’s true.  But it’s not truth.  (Confused yet?)

I’m not the best.  I’m not that experienced.

BUT my excitement is real.  And it is worth sharing!

The Nester (a crafty, home-decorate-y blogger) frequently says that “it doesn’t have to be perfect to be beautiful.”  (Also, apparently, that’s the name of her book.)  The idea is that our desire for perfection can hold us back from the joy of creating.

In my case, it’s my desire to be the best (or at least really, really good).  That desire holds me back from enjoying what I enjoy.  It holds me back from being me.  It holds me back from embracing who God made me to be.

God has given me all kinds of talents and interests and gifts.  I don’t have to be the best at those things to have value.  My identity is not found in how well I perform.  I don’t know about you, but I need that truth to seek deep into my heart.

So taking up quilting is a way to practice this truth.  I may not be the world’s best quilter.  But I can still quilt.  (Theoretically, I mean…as I haven’t actually done anything yet.)  I can still try new hobbies.  I can even be so bold as to say, “I like this!”  without any disclaimers or false humility.

Is this struggle unique to me?  Are there hobbies or interests you would pursue, if you could let go of a need to be perfect or the best?

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That Sneaky Part of My Heart

It seems that in every playdate I’ve had lately, the same topic keeps coming up–school.  Apparently, once your child hits 3, it’s time to have an educational plan in place.

She knows 3/26 letters, so we’re thinking Harvard next fall.

Really, though, this is a natural progression in mom-conversations.  It’s totally normal to think ahead.  I mean, really, Pre-K is only 16 months away.  [Anyone else have heart palpitations at that thought?]

Anyway, Jo is 3.  And suddenly, there is all this pressure to have a school plan and to be involved in a variety of activities (for the college applications, obviously)!

I think this kind pressure was always there.  It’s just changing as our kids’ skills are changing.  This new pressure fells weightier.

Is Jo going to be in dance?  You can start at three, you know?

Does she do swim lessons?  It’s great to start young.

Did you hear about the preschool at the high school?  You have to enroll early.  There’s a wait list.

Here’s the crazy thing, though.  For the most part, I am completely satisfied with the parenting choices we’ve made.

And yet…

And yet, there’s this sneaky part of my heart that starts to get stressed out and starts to question if I’m doing the right things.

So, of course, I’ve been thinking about where this sneaky pressure comes from.

And surprisingly, it has some very familiar roots.

Comparison.  Identity.  Insecurity.

[Goodness, Lord, really?  Why do I always struggle with the exact. same. issue over and over?  Can’t I have something new?!  Just for variety?]

This sneaky part of my heart reveals quite a bit.  I have a propensity towards insecurity in my parenting choices.  I’ve placed some of my identity in my children’s ability to be successful and excellent and advanced (because it makes me look good).  I measure my kids against other kids so I can prove (to myself and others) that I’m a better mom.

Yeah, that’s not cool.  Thankfully, God can (and will!) change my heart, and He can help me gain freedom.

As a mom and friend, I long to be quietly confident in the choices I make for my family.  I want to share what we do, when others want to hear it.  I want to eliminate competition from my conversations.  I want to support my friends in their choices.  I want to decrease comparison and increase encouragement.

So, do you have a sneaky part of your heart?  (Please tell me I’m not alone.)  When does it sneak up on you?  What have you done to eliminate it?

Ten on Ten: The Unconventional Edition

Let’s just be honest.  I forgot it was the tenth.  Motherhood does lots of weird things to a person…not the least of which is that I hardly ever write the date anymore.  I mean, I’m vaguely aware that it’s April…and I think it’s Friday (although I’ve been thinking that since Wednesday).

So, please sit back and enjoy “Ten on Ten”…or as I’d like to call it this month, “A Handful of Pictures on an Undetermined Day.”

It’s April…so they say.  April here isn’t really a spring month.  It’s more of a snow-melting, mud-everywhere kind of month.

And sometimes there are ice storms.

Sidenote:  So, I’ve been thinking about our long winters.  It’s easy to get discouraged and frustrated by winter in March and April.  Especially as pictures of other people enjoying actual-Spring start cropping up on Facebook, Instagram, and blogs.  But isn’t that just a comparison issue?  I don’t live in an area of the country that has grass by Easter.  I shouldn’t really expect it.  And yet, as I start to see everyone else enjoying warm weather and flowers, I get a little jealous.  Comparison really *is* the thief of joy!  I’ve gotta stop doing that…

Anyway, moving on…Once I realized that today was the tenth, I thought I should at least take a few pictures to document the day.  So we did lunchtime selfies!

My sweet Bear-Bear.

Oh, JoJo, you are a joy!

We are adorable, and we know it.

Right now, there is a naptime miracle happening upstairs!  Both girls are napping!!  At the same time!!  Clearly, that is worth lots and lots of somewhat blurry pictures, right?

A three-year-old napping. It’s as elusive as Bigfoot.

Not as elusive, but worth a picture.

I will leave you with that.  Hope you have a great April 10, 2015.  (I know the date now…aren’t you proud?)

Trickle-Down Identity

Ok, ok, so three days ago, I didn’t have a word for 2015.  But a lot can happen in three days.  A lot of thinking can happen…especially when you have a chance to take a break from everyone under the age of 3 in your family.  Not mentioning any names…

Someday when they form a sister rock band, this will be their cover.

Anyway, I have a word now.

Identity.

But specifically, I want to have a trickle-down identity.  This year, I want to…

1.  Be in Christ securely.

This is where my identity needs to start–in Christ.  That means 2015 needs to be a year marked by regular and focused time in the Word and in prayer.  I want to listen to God’s voice before all others!  (Well, what do ya know? My 2014 Word is making a 2015 appearance!)  I also pray that I will believe what God says about me through His Word.  Because as a long-time Christian, I know what He says, but I often fail to really believe it.  I want to be SECURELY rooted in Him.

Therefore, as you received Christ Jesus the Lord,

so walk in him, rooted and built up in him and established in the faith,

just as you were taught, abounding in thanksgiving.  

Colossians 2:7 (emphasis mine)

2.  Be me boldly.

As I root myself securely in Christ, I believe that will free me up to simply be me.  To be who God created me to be without insecurity, comparison, jealousy, or discontent.  I want to be able to embrace who I am (weird quirks and all) and just live my story (and not desire a different version).  Honestly, this is my biggest dream for 2015.  I have lived in comparison and insecurity for waaaaay too long.  I long to break free from that and be me boldly!

For freedom Christ has set us free;

stand firm therefore, and do not submit again to a yoke of slavery.  

Galatians 5:1

3.  Be in relationships selflessly.

This is the final step of the trickle-down identity.  As I find my identity in Christ and step out to be who He made me to be, I will be able to have relationships out of an overflow of love and grace.  Instead of looking to others to fill me or be my identity, I can simply serve and love and encourage and support others without expecting anything in return.  I believe this will dramatically affect my marriage, parenting, friendships, and leadership.

Whatever you do, work heartily, as for the Lord and not for men,

knowing that from the Lord you will receive the inheritance as your reward.  

You are serving the Lord Christ.  

Colossians 3:23-24

Identity is a big word for one year.  I suspect I won’t have it all figured out in the next 360 days.  Yet I know that God is able to do big things in my heart when I am open and obedient to His voice.  And that makes me eager with anticipation for this new year!

Sharing Christmas :: The Theory and The Real

This is part of the Sharing Christmas link-up.  If you are new to my blog, welcome.  I hope you will stick around.  If you are one of my 7 regular readers, I love each and every one of you.

Ever since Ben and I got married in 2008, I’ve been dying to create some family Christmas traditions.  I’m pretty sure I remember hounding Ben during our first Christmas together (a month after our wedding) about what traditions we could create:  “Think!  What do you want to do year after year with our kids?  Choose a meaningful tradition NOW!”

But the funny thing about traditions is that you can’t force them.  For the most part, traditions are something that you do one year; it goes well (and a majority of your family enjoys it); so you do it again next year and the year after that…until it’s a tradition.

Christmas Tradition Fail: Make a tree topper that reflects the past year. I guess we played a lot of games in 2010. We held on to that for 4 years and then ran out of ideas.

So, I’ve been patiently (ok, ok, not patiently) waiting to have a chance to develop some Morse Family Christmas Traditions.  This year is our year!  Joanna is old enough to understand some of the concepts of Christmas, and Claire is old enough to participate without meltdowns (most of the time).

It’s been awesome!  I’ve been careful to try to keep our December simple and to hold my plans loosely (which, if you know me and my love of plans, is easier said than done).  But since I’m so excited and since it’s been going pretty well, I’d love to share some of what we’ve been doing.

Prepare Him Room…

To me, I’d like the preparation for Jesus’ arrival to be the biggest part of our Advent traditions.  I want to talk about Jesus all month long (really, all year long), not just a Christmas morning shout-out.  So, this is how we’ve approached that this year…

Our Family’s Advent Plan (in Theory):  Using the Jesus Storybook Bible, we’ve been reading one story a night (there are conveniently 24 stories from Creation to Jesus’ birth).  Since “every story whispers His name”, it’s a perfect way to work towards Jesus’ birth.  We also have brown paper bags that the girls open each night.  The bag contains an item that relates to the story in some way.  For example, during the story of Creation, the girls colored a picture of the world.  Simple stuff.

Our Advent bags.

Our Family’s Advent Plan (for real):  We have opened a bag and read from the Jesus Storybook Bible every night.  The girls love the bags (it’s an awesome real-life way to teach sharing and patience…ie there’s a lot of crying).  There was one perfect night–tree lit, “fire” crackling, living room clean, girls sitting quietly and still as Ben read.  Most nights, there’s a lot of squirming and crying and fussing.  It’s really ironic because the girls will sit through 27 consecutive readings of Curious George and the Police Station, but they can’t seem to handle 10 minutes of a Bible story.  Grrr…

This was the picture-perfect moment. Generally, there’s a lot more chaos.

My Advent Plan (in Theory):  I planned to participate in She Reads Truth Advent series.  It also walks you through the Old Testament, so it actually matches up with our family’s plan.

My Advent Plan (for real):  I’m still participating, but I didn’t start until December 9th.  So I’m really really far behind.  It’s still been good, and I’m still preparing my heart for Jesus’ arrival.  So that’s a win.

The Most Wonderful Time of the Year…

December can be OVERwhelming as far as activities and expectations and stress goes.  I wanted to be very intentional about what we did this month.  I want to enjoy the season, but not get lost in all the activity.  You know?

This is really a balance.  And I think it varies for each person.  We’ve got to stop comparing our Decembers.  For real.

Our Family’s Festive Plan (in Theory):  At the beginning of the month, we picked four Christmas-y activities that we were going to deliberately do this month–the Christmas Light Parade, cookie decorating with friends, a PJ Christmas Light Drive, and the Christmas Eve service at church.

Light Parade family selfie.

Todders and sugar. What could go wrong?

Our Family’s Festive Plan (for real): For real, this has been even better than I expected!  We’ve added in other activities as they came up, but because there was no pressure to do it all, the extra stuff is just fun and stress-free.  [I might note that it’s been so helpful to be facebook-free this month.  It’s a lot harder to compare my December to yours when I have no idea what you’ve been doing.]

Our Christmas tree craft. Pin worthy, right?

Nativity scene playing….allll the time.

We also spend a lot of time looking at (and touching) the tree.

So, what’s my point in all of this?  Well, it’s fun to share what we’ve been up to.  And I suspect this post will be helpful next year when I can’t quite remember what we did. But mostly, I want to encourage you to choose to do the things that will be enjoyable and beneficial for your family…and then let the rest go.  Yes.  Let it go.  Let it go.

The Secret of a Picture-Perfect December

I’ve figured it out.  I know how to have a picture-perfect December.  And because I’m so very kind, I’m going to share my secret with you.

Are you ready?  You should probably find a pen and notebook…because you’re going to want to take notes.  I’ll wait.

Ok, so the secret to a picture-perfect December….take perfect pictures.  Or rather take pictures of those perfect moments and then promptly forget all the not-as-perfect moments.

I’m not going to lie.  Seven days into December, and I feel like I’m nailing this Advent thing.  (Yes, I know.  Pride is not an attractive Advent attitude.  I’m sorry.)

We are using the Jesus Storybook Bible, and we’re working our way from creation to Jesus’ birth this month.  Every night, the girls open a bag to find some sort of tactile object related to the evening’s story.  (I’m channeling my inner-teacher.)

Our Advent bags.

Not pictured:  The sobbing that occurs when a certain toddler finds out it’s not her turn to open the bag.  Or the sobbing that occurs when another certain toddler finds out she has to actually touch the bag.  Drama both ways.

Anyway, this whole family Advent thing has been going really well.  Like better than I even dared to hope.  Basically, this is the first year where we have kids who are actually almost old enough to get some of the meaning of Christmas.  And I’m so excited to start teaching them about it!  There is a special joy that comes from teaching your children about the Lord and watching them actually grasp some of the concepts.

There is also a certain amount of joy found in moments like the one pictured below…

A perfect Advent moment.

Of course, as with any “perfect” picture, there is chaos happening outside the frame.  I promise.  This perfect moment was just that:  a moment.  And yet, it is surely a moment worth remembering.  It is worth finding joy in those moments that go exactly like you wanted them to.

But the hang-up for so many of us (myself most definitely included) is that we jump right to comparison.  We compare our less-than-perfect moments to someone else’s (perceived) perfect moment.  Or we compare how we are nailing it to how others are falling short.  Or we take Pinterest pictures or facebook pictures at face-value and forget that there is almost certainly chaos just outside of the frame.

And then we stress out.  December seems to be the most compare-y month of all.  I can feel the stress we moms put on ourselves (and dude, I’m not even a feeler!).  We want to do it all.  We want to do every single, festive Christmas activity, and we find ourselves weary.  Oh so weary.

Yet, the weary world rejoices.  There is a thrill of hope.  Hope.  Hope for the weary.

So, let’s enjoy this month.  Let’s allow the activities of December–the parties, the cookies, the decorations, the music–stir our affections for the Lord.  And let’s celebrate Him through it all.

And as those picture-perfect December moments start appearing everywhere we look (facebook, Instagram, blogs, Pinterest, and on and on), remember that a single picture is never the whole story.  Breathe.  And then go and capture your own “perfect” moments.

And post them on all the social media you can, and let the cycle continue.

And for a dose of real, here’s Claire while we decorated the tree. Not nailing it.

Voice and Purpose and the Most Beautiful Summer Ever

So, I like blogging.  Really, I do.  I like putting my thoughts into coherent sentences.  I like processing though what I’m learning and what the Lord is showing me.

Yet, “blog” frequently ends up at the bottom of my to-do list.  Probably because laundry and meal-making are generally more pressing.

But lately I’ve been thinking about why I blog, if there’s a purpose to it (and if I have anything valuable to say), and if I even have a voice.  It really all boils down to comparison…again….always.  I want to be a different person with a clearer voice and a more popular blog.  If I had those things, then I would be content.  Or not.

[Sidenote:  Do you ever get sick of the thing you struggle with over and over and over?  I am so stinkin’ sick of comparison being my on-going struggle…in every area of my life.  You’d think I would get some freedom from it…but yikes!  It’s a deep issue…apparently.]

Then today, someone asked me if I was going to keep blogging.  It made my heart do a little happy dance.  Maybe I do have something valuable to share.

So I will keep on sharing and writing (albeit not as often as I’d like).  Because even if no one reads, processing through my thoughts and what God is teaching me is always good for me.  It always stirs my affections for the Lord.

On an slightly related note, it’s also been one of the most beautiful summers I have ever experienced.  Like 75 and sunny every. single. day.  It’s kind of glorious.

Perfect lake-playing weather.

I suspect that when we return to our 8 months of winter, I will blog more…because what else are you going to do?

But I’m not ready to think about winter yet (which is saying something because I love winter).

So for now…more water and sun and playing and rocks and fun….

A girl and her rocks.

 

 

Goodbye, Facebook.

So let’s talk about Facebook for a minute.

It’s great, right?  I mean, I really do love what it adds to my life.  I can keep in contact with friends who live thousands of miles away!  I can celebrate all those big life moments like I’m right there with you—engagement, weddings, pregnancy announcements [Seriously, will we ever run out of cute ways to announce that a baby is on the way?!], and birth announcements!  I can link to encouraging, inspiring articles, and read articles that you recommend.  I can share what’s happening in my life with those I care about.  I can encourage you or make you laugh (or both…on a good day).  I can organize an impromptu park trip or invite friends over for a playdate.  I can continue deep discussions with my small group, and we can hold each other accountable.

Where else can I share this with everyone I know?

Facebook is awesome.

In theory.

I’m finding that Facebook falls short for me.  Lately, it has become a place for me to waste time, to compare myself, to measure myself against others (and fall short).  As I spend time (let’s be honest, lots of time) scrolling mindlessly through my newsfeed, I end up feeling jealous, discontent, annoyed, and distracted.  So very distracted.  Distracted from my girls.  Distracted from my husband.  And worst of all, distracted from my God and what He’s asking me to do.  Facebook has been drowning out His voice and sucking up my time.

So yeah, it’s just not working for me anymore.

I’ve tried limiting my time on Facebook.  Apparently, I lack the necessary amount of self-control to make that happen.  So, I’m quitting.  Cold turkey.

I’m not going to lie, I’m scared.  I’m scared of missing out.  I’m scared of being left out.  I’m scared I will be forgotten because I’m not in your newsfeed all. the. time.  Because let’s be real, it’s really hard to connect with people who don’t use Facebook.  I know because I’ve given them a hard time about it.

And as soon as I made my decision to go cold turkey on Facebook-usage, I had a thousand worries and questions assault my mind:  How will I connect with long-distance friends?  How will I have meaningful conversations with my small group?  How will I find anyone to meet me at the park?  How will I know what’s happening in my friends’ lives?  Will I ever be invited to anything ever again?  How will I alert everyone that I just wrote another blog post (and how will I get feedback on what I write)?

Where will I post all the pictures and videos of my adorable children?  Seriously, the world will be missing out.

And on and on and on.  Facebook really has quite a grip on me.  It’s not right.  So I’m done.

I haven’t changed.  I still value deep relationships and connecting with others.  I still want to share and be real and encourage others.  But for a season, that’s going to have to happen without Facebook.  <Gulp.>

I will still be around.  We can connect through email, Instagram, Skype, or even this blog (Hey, look!  A place to leave comments!  How convenient!!).  Or we can connect by talking on the phone or texting or snail mail (anyone want to be my old school pen-pal?!).  Or we can connect the old fashioned way, and just bump into each other out in the real world and stop and chat.

This is hard for me.  I really don’t want to do it.  But I’m pretty sure I need to.

[Two last notes:  1.)  I’m deactivating my account tomorrow night.  That should give you ample time to prepare your hearts.  Ha!  2.)  This is one of those things that God has asked me to do, and He may not be asking you to do the same (although He may be…).  So no judgment, ok?]

A bit more on being an ear

I love when God reinforces things I’ve been processing through.

I just wanted to share from my devotional today (from shereadstruth.com…an awesome online, daily devotional.  Check it out if you’re looking for something to help you get into the Word everyday).  It’s basically exactly what I just wrote about, and it might just encourage you, like it encouraged me.

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Verse 1 of Colossians in The ESV reads, “Paul, an apostle of Christ Jesus by the will of God”.

The Message reads, “I, Paul, have been sent on special assignment by Christ as part of God’s master plan.”

Yes, there is a whole lot more of Paul’s letter ahead of us. Yes, this seems like such a inconsequential afterthought of a verse, and to stop just one verse in seems silly.

But it’s not. I want you to write it down – I want you to say it out loud:

“I, ______, have been send on a special assignment by Christ as part of God’s master plan.”

Do you believe it, sister?

I mean truly… do you?

Because it’s true. Your special assignment is different than mine. It’s different from your sister’s calling, it’s different from your mentor’s, and your neighbor’s and the girl who sat in front of you in church last week. It is as unique as you are, this calling to point the world to Christ.

And no matter how old you are, and how many days God has written for you on this earth, sister, YOU are a part of the MASTER PLAN. He has willed it. It is written. (Psalm 139:16 says, “in your book were written, every one of them, the days that were formed for me, when as yet there were not of them.”)

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Good stuff, right?  God is good.  And this reminds me that I need to STOP looking at and comparing myself to every.single.person I meet.  I just need to rest in who God has made me and what He has made me to do.

What about you?   Do you get bogged down in comparisons and longings for a different gift set?  (Or am I the only one…please tell me I’m not the only one…)  What would you say is your “special assignment”?

We can’t all be ears.

Why, hello there!  It’s been awhile, eh?

There’s not any good reason for my 15 day blogging hiatus.  Other than just regular, life-is-busy stuff.  But I’m not complaining.  Things have been really good around here.  Nobody’s been sick (well, except for a persistent cold that we keep passing around, but that’s just part of spring, right?).  Claire has been rocking the sleep thing.  Joanna is hilarious and SO enjoyable these days.  And she’s been napping again…praise the Lord.  (No, seriously, I’m praising the Lord!!)

Last week, I decided to be a brave mom and pull out the finger paints.  To let go of some of that control, and let my kids be kids and create.  Ooof.  Easier said than done!  I had to keep chanting “Process over product.  Process over product.” to myself over and over while the girls worked.

Calvary on a paper plate. Not Pinterest-worthy.

Even in this simple project, it was so fun to see their different personalities shine through.  Claire dove into the paint head first (I wish that was figurative).  She wasn’t fazed by the feeling of paint (or the taste, unfortunately).  Her artwork was…colorful (and messy).  Joanna, on the other hand, was deliberate and careful.  She did all her painting with one finger (so as to avoid getting too messy).  Her artwork was more calculated.

At one point, I commented, “Claire, you are so messy!”  And Joanna replied, “I messy too.”

No, Joanna. No, you aren’t.

In that moment, I saw the rawest form of comparison.  Joanna wanted to be what Claire was.  She saw the attention Claire was getting and wanted it.  Joanna disregarded her own skills and talents and design, and yearned to be someone else entirely (at least for that moment).

The Lord used that simple interaction to show me that I do the. exact. same. thing.

I disregard how He’s made me, and I long to be different.  I see the woman who is a gifted singer, leading worship week after week.  And I want that gift.  Or I see the woman who is able to always provide profound wisdom and perspective to any situation.  And I want that.  Or I see the woman who has it all together on Easter morning—kids in match-y outfits and wearing a cute outfit herself.  And I wish I could fit into any of my cute outfits.

Nothing against matching outfits.

But what Joanna failed to realize is that just because Claire has a particular talent (if you can even call being a messy artist a talent) it doesn’t mean Joanna is without any talents of her own.  I love that Joanna painted carefully and neatly.  I think that’s part of what makes her so sweet and special.  I know that her desire for organization and order will be something that will serve her well in the future (if it doesn’t control her, that is).

But isn’t that what I fail to realize too?  Just because somebody else has different talents doesn’t mean I don’t have any.  We can’t all be worship leaders.  We can’t all be gifted at the same things.  We can’t all be an ear, you know?!  (Thank you, 1 Corinthians 12:17.)

Claire is uniquely created by God.  She has the ability to dive into what she does with passion and energy.

Joanna is uniquely created by God.  She has the ability to be organized and deliberate in her work (even at her young age).

Carley is uniquely created by God.  He has given me special talents and gifts that He wants me to use for His kingdom.

You are uniquely created by God.  Are you able to see what talents God has given you?  Or do you find yourself longing to be an ear?

If the whole body were an eye, where would be the sense of hearing?  If the whole body were an ear, where would be the sense of smell?

But as it is, God arranged the members in the body, each one of them, as he chose.

If all were a single member, where would the body be? 

As it is, there are any parts, yet one body.

1 Corinthians 12:17-20